Calculated thoughts lead to calculated dreams
to those which are thought to be the ultimate thing
but a beast lies in wait, just watching for your fall
and waiting he will be more patient from the fall
But I calculate my footsteps once again for pride
And I calculate how much failure I will give before I break
How much sin my God can take
How much more I can break
Thinking I know this life much better than the one that made me
And calculate the risk that mange me
And calculate the thoughts the lead me astray
And calculate how much more I think I can take
To calculate my fate
Derived into an equation that doesn't make sense
deprive of a reality that can pay the rent
of this body while the soul is on vacation
Expecting something more than what it left behind
when it left behind the body that led it blind
And me the fool I am think the equation can be lead me home again
but what is home when all that is left is unknown
I have no cover to hide in this time
unsuspecting of an ambush I lay to wait
through the perils that fight my soul to hide again
And calculate the risk that mange me
And calculate the thoughts the lead me astray
And calculate how much more I think I can take
To calculate my fate
BREAK, open the walls that bind me back
STEAK the heart of this vampire that sucks me dry
TAKE back what makes me bright again to shine
FIGHT for all that is my right
To calculate the fight for you
bleading in a sacrifice for you
I couldn't handle it but I needed it
and now I'm left waiting in a calculation
to bring myself to life where hope abounds
and death defies the bounds that bring it...again
I've been consumed by a fire but never refined
designed by a creator that has not left me behind
Unknown to the transformations that abound my life
I can't help but to fight what is unknown every time
And calculate the risk that mange me
And calculate the thoughts the lead me astray
And calculate how much more I think I can take
To calculate my fate
Friday, August 28, 2009
Waiting
I cannot stand
Under the weight of my own affliction
Over what pulls me down
When the weight of my insecurities overwhelms me
and I fall right back into the ground.
I'll die another day, to all of my pain
letting go once more to my life
I'll try to let you in, to clean me up again
but I can only let you go this far today
I'm waiting for the day, When I can stand along with you
Fighting for the rights of those whom so few
have chosen to believe in something more then they see
and watching as they go through what I've been through...
just to feel you.
I'm sick of all this hurt and feel I'm crying out in vane
To a world that doesn't care, because it feels the same
And when my prayers go unanswered and I cannot see the light
But I know you here me when I cry out for them.
And I wish that I could write something so much better than this,
in full words with notation and change the world with one wish
To give the hopeless what I have and what has kept me alive
I only pray.
I'm waiting for the day, When I can stand along with you
Fighting for the rights of those whom so few
have chosen to believe in something more then they see
and watching as they go through what I've been through...
just to feel you.
The millions of discarded memories of a life lived so young
And the lack-less meaningless adventures I've been on
Who said growing up was giving into death
I wanna live like I'm alive until I breathe that last breath!
I will scream out from the shadows for a hope that is to come
While shouting from the mountains the hope that has been done
For a moment to free my self with the dance of life and death
This is unfinished for the moment - The last stanza needs to be finished as well as the rest of this maybe extended in the future.
Under the weight of my own affliction
Over what pulls me down
When the weight of my insecurities overwhelms me
and I fall right back into the ground.
I'll die another day, to all of my pain
letting go once more to my life
I'll try to let you in, to clean me up again
but I can only let you go this far today
I'm waiting for the day, When I can stand along with you
Fighting for the rights of those whom so few
have chosen to believe in something more then they see
and watching as they go through what I've been through...
just to feel you.
I'm sick of all this hurt and feel I'm crying out in vane
To a world that doesn't care, because it feels the same
And when my prayers go unanswered and I cannot see the light
But I know you here me when I cry out for them.
And I wish that I could write something so much better than this,
in full words with notation and change the world with one wish
To give the hopeless what I have and what has kept me alive
I only pray.
I'm waiting for the day, When I can stand along with you
Fighting for the rights of those whom so few
have chosen to believe in something more then they see
and watching as they go through what I've been through...
just to feel you.
The millions of discarded memories of a life lived so young
And the lack-less meaningless adventures I've been on
Who said growing up was giving into death
I wanna live like I'm alive until I breathe that last breath!
I will scream out from the shadows for a hope that is to come
While shouting from the mountains the hope that has been done
For a moment to free my self with the dance of life and death
This is unfinished for the moment - The last stanza needs to be finished as well as the rest of this maybe extended in the future.
Emotive
You make me smile
You make me cry
You make me hurt
and I don't know why
I can feel your warmth
I can feel your touch
I can feel your love
I can feel your distrust
Have I squandered it all to gain a loss
or have I saved it up to become like dross
has the storehouse broken and the birds swoop in
Or do I wait it out and let the gains roll in
You make me sleep
You make me dream
You make me safer
than I feel I've been
You make me want
You make me need
But I take the makes for what you make of me
Captivated by your glow
Effortlessly I give you control
At your mercy I let myself fall
You make me comfortable
But thats not all
Your energy drives me to drive me
Your words drive me to be
By your acceptance dreams are set free
and grow tremendously
If my words as broken as they are
Can be deciphered
Maybe there's hope to know what life's for
to lead me home
Thursday, August 27, 2009
A Burning Inside: An Introduction
A few months ago I came to a point in my crazy roller coaster emotional being where I realized that much of what I've done was never done for myself. Either selfishly I did things for my own gain (not enjoyment) or did things out of duty - Although most of what I do I do actually enjoy, that wasn't the motivation.
A Burning Inside, is the culmination of my love and thirst for music, my desire to create artistic works in either music or poetic form, and most importantly my Love for my God. The burning signifies 2 things in my life: God consuming the crap to refine me as pure gold, and my burning desires and passions for the creative arts. In a sense this album will be something much bigger than just a cd release but a much bigger release of my true potential and drive at what I am good at.
This Blog will hit mostly at releasing the poetic versions of songs. Basically all my work typically has its inception as a piece of writing, in fact as I write and move along in each stanza only then does the noise and melody follow - and only after the noise makes sense do repetitive sections like choruses follow. Probably my biggest road bock is this lack of being able to create such a break in the poetry in order to turn it into a piece of music.
As well with the work being done that shows the artistic, I do have to study music still so that what is released is educated music - Although expiremental music does exist, I don't feel it has much merit, or any style of music for that matter without at least a basic understanding of music and tones and the interaction they have upon the being...Ok that sounded really psychological philosophically crazy , but my point is that noise exists around us and having something that is called music takes knowledge and wisdom...hence my journey to understand the Musical Arts.
So stay tuned for poem releases and links to beta tracks and random other releases regarding A Burning Inside.
God Bless,
Thaddaeus
A Burning Inside, is the culmination of my love and thirst for music, my desire to create artistic works in either music or poetic form, and most importantly my Love for my God. The burning signifies 2 things in my life: God consuming the crap to refine me as pure gold, and my burning desires and passions for the creative arts. In a sense this album will be something much bigger than just a cd release but a much bigger release of my true potential and drive at what I am good at.
This Blog will hit mostly at releasing the poetic versions of songs. Basically all my work typically has its inception as a piece of writing, in fact as I write and move along in each stanza only then does the noise and melody follow - and only after the noise makes sense do repetitive sections like choruses follow. Probably my biggest road bock is this lack of being able to create such a break in the poetry in order to turn it into a piece of music.
As well with the work being done that shows the artistic, I do have to study music still so that what is released is educated music - Although expiremental music does exist, I don't feel it has much merit, or any style of music for that matter without at least a basic understanding of music and tones and the interaction they have upon the being...Ok that sounded really psychological philosophically crazy , but my point is that noise exists around us and having something that is called music takes knowledge and wisdom...hence my journey to understand the Musical Arts.
So stay tuned for poem releases and links to beta tracks and random other releases regarding A Burning Inside.
God Bless,
Thaddaeus
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